You’ve Decided to Go to Therapy… Now What?

So, you’ve decided to go to therapy....Now what?

Before your first session, you don’t need to have everything figured out. You don’t need to know exactly what to say, have the perfect goals, or be able to explain everything that’s happened in your life in chronological order.

But it can help to get clearer.

Clearer about what therapy is (and what it isn’t).

Clearer about what brought you here.

Clearer about what you’d like to be different.

And maybe a little more organized around all the thoughts, feelings and experiences you’ve been carrying around.

First, starting therapy can bring up a lot of feelings.

You might feel excited or relieved to finally have support for something you’ve been trying to navigate on your own.

You might also feel nervous.

For some people, there’s guilt or even a sense of inadequacy attached to needing help. For others, starting therapy feels sad because the thing that brought them here feels really heavy—or maybe even impossible to change right now.

Then, there are people who aren't coming to therapy because everything is falling apart at all. Therapy may just be a part of how they take care of themselves, maintain their mental health, or navigate a new season of life.

There isn't one “right” reason to come to therapy.

Wherever you're starting from, we're glad you're considering allowing us to be part of the process.

Now, let's clear something up: your therapist isn't here to fix you.

That's not really how this works.

Therapy might help you become more aware of patterns in your thoughts or behaviors. You might begin to understand the emotions underneath some of your reactions. You may explore your family history and recognize how things you learned years ago are still showing up in your relationships today.

You might work on accepting something you cannot change.

You might learn new ways to cope.

You might challenge an old story you've been telling yourself.

You might practice self-compassion, learn how to communicate differently, process trauma, improve unhelpful behvaiors, set boundaries, or figure out what you actually want.

And here's the thing:

One therapist may not be the person who helps you do all of those things.

Therapists have different specialties, training, approaches, and ways of understanding change. Some may resonate with you and others may not. Keep going until you find someone who can meet your needs, whatever they might be.

Think about therapy almost like walking down the street with one of the wisest, most trusted people in your life.

They may be exactly who you need beside you for this particular block. You walk together. You talk. You learn some things. Maybe you understand yourself differently by the time you reach the end.

And sometimes, when you get to the next block, it's time to walk with someone else.

You may work with one therapist to process trauma and, later, realize you want someone who specializes in relationships. You may return to therapy years later because life has changed and you need something completely different.

For some people, therapy will be something they return to throughout different seasons of their lives. For others, it's support through one particular moment.

Reality check: The goal isn't to keep you in therapy forever.

We want therapy to help you make meaningful progress toward your goals. Sometimes that means continuing therapy. Sometimes it means meeting less frequently. And eventually, it may mean deciding with your therapist that you have what you need to move forward without regular sessions.

Sounds a little counterproductive for a therapy practice, huh? But that IS the goal.

Okay. So what actually happens at your first session?

For the most part, you're catching your therapist up on your life.They'll want to learn about you, not just the problem that brought you in. That may mean talking about how you grew up, important relationships, things you've experienced, things you're really good at, things you struggle with, what life looks like right now and what finally made you say:

“Okay. I think I need some help with this.”

You don't need to prepare a presentation.

And please don't stress yourself out trying to tell your entire life story in 55 minutes, lol.

Your therapist will help guide the conversation.

But before you attend your first session, it can be helpful to spend a few minutes thinking about a few questions. Ask yourself:

Why am I choosing to start therapy now?

Did something happen? Has something been happening for years, and you're finally ready to address it? Or maybe you're not completely sure but know you need to talk to someone. That's okay too.

If therapy is helpful, what would I hope is different in my life?

Try to think beyond “I want to feel better.” What would feeling better allow you to do?

Would you communicate differently? Sleep better? Feel less overwhelmed? Trust yourself more? Have healthier relationships? Understand your emotions? Recover from difficult moments more quickly?

What do I want my therapist to understand about me?

There may be parts of your identity, family, culture, relationships or experiences that feel important to how you see the world. Your therapist doesn't need to know everything immediately, but what feels important for them to know?

What have I already tried?

What's helped—even a little? And what absolutely has not helped?

Is there anything I'm nervous about when I think about therapy?

Maybe you're worried about being judged, crying, being vulnerable, ,ot knowing what to say, afraid of trusting someone you don't know yet..... You can tell your therapist that.

In fact, talking about how you feel about therapy can be part of therapy.

What would help me feel more comfortable with my therapist?

Know that you are allowed to have preferences and to ask questions. Lastly, are allowed to pay attention to whether the relationship feels like a good fit, and express it if it doesn't.

Once you start answering these questions, you may realize you have approximately 17 things you'd like to work on. You don't have to tackle all 17 at once. Part of the early work in therapy is getting clear about what matters most right now. Your therapist can help you take all the things that feel tangled together and begin sorting them into something more manageable.

So before your first appointment, you don't need to figure yourself out; just come as you are.

However, if you'd like a little help gathering your thoughts before you get here, we've created a reflection guide you can use before your appointment.

Preparing_for_My_First_Therapy_Session_CHC.pdf

Download PDF • 90KB

You don't have to complete it. You don't have to turn it in. And nobody is grading it. It's simply a tool to help you walk into the room a little more clear about where you'd like to begin. We'll figure out the rest together.

See you soon!

Altreneasha Ervin, LMFT